This morning I was asked to comment on a BBC Three Counties radio programme about whether or not parents should remain together for the sake of the children. The programme was reporting on the article in the Daily Mail today which states that half of all children born today will see their parents split up before they are 16 – that’s before the children are 16, not the parents.
I have consistently set out to help couples work together to either help them communicate and respect one another by building relating skills, or to end their relationship as an agreed way forward. Unless some action is taken by you then it is more than likely you will enter another relationship without learning the lessons you need to stop the spin cycle.
There will be far fewer divorces if people get together and have children for the right reasons. If you are already married, and finding it challenging, there is still an opportunity to get the help you need. The first step is in helping people address their relating skills.
Each person in this world is entitled to happiness and peace. Most people have no idea how to find it. It’s not like you can go to your nearest superstore and walk up to the right aisle and pick it off the shelf.
To find peace of mind and happiness in your relationship you need to start with yourself. It’s very rarely about the other person.
If I knew in my marriage what I know now about love and relating, my life would have taken a different route. It might still have involved divorce, and if it had, it would have been a much gentler process.
If you want to avoid recurring relationship breakdowns …. get in touch and let’s see if you can improve your relating skills and stop the rot before it’s too late.
Hi Jackie,
I don’t think couples should stay together for the sake of the children. My parents did this and it wasn’t a happy family life. I have seperated from my husband but it wasn’t something I wanted and now he has a new girlfriend and wants our son to be involved with their days out.
I’m not thrilled about this, and I don’t another woman having anything to do with my kids. I know that just sounds like sour grapes, so any advice would be appreciated if possible.
Hi Maria, these are very common feelings felt by many others who have separated.
It is highly likely that in time, and no-one can say when, that you will both have new partners. I’m sensing that it may still be a bit raw for you just now to accept that he has moved on already.
There is a big difference in the cycles of the one who chooses to leave and the one who has been left.
Taking some time to look after yourself and creating your own life will take the focus off your ex and his new girlfriend.
Perhaps in the meantime you could identify the specific fears you have around her involvement in the days out your ex has with the children.
Once you know specifically what you are angry about and/or afraid of, then you will be able to address the issues and free yourself from their negative impact.
If you’d like some help with any of it, I work by phone/Skype if you’re not in the Edinburgh area.
Jx